SINGAPORE — After spending years explaining that taking a husband's surname is an outdated patriarchal tradition that erases a woman's identity, 31-year-old marketing executive Tan Ah Lian has announced she will now be known as Mrs Amelia Fitzwilliam, wearing the new name like a Gucci bag.
"It's not about the surname," she clarified while updating every social media profile she owns within 14 minutes of her wedding. "I have my own my identity... but this new identity hor, sounds like I owns a castle.
Friends say Ah Lian had previously refused to entertain the idea of becoming "Mrs Tan", insisting that women should not be expected to surrender their names simply because they got married.
"Why should I become someone else's property?" she had reportedly argued during countless brunches.
However, all philosophical objections reportedly disappeared the moment she met investment banker Oliver Fitzwilliam while on exchange in London.
"My feminism hasn't changed," she explained to a FLOP reporter, in posh Queen’s English "I only became more openminded.... lah.”
“I teach you a new trick,” said her friend Cristelle Sim-De-Sohne. “You also must keep your Chinese surname, otherwise people say you SPG!”
When asked isn’t her surname patriarchal as well, Cristelle brought up the topic of where to best go for afternoon tea.
“Aiyah you all don’t know one lah”, said another friend Jane Tan-Harrington, “What if go overseas immigration ask why your surname different from your husband how?”
We then asked why their friends are not as enthusiastic adopting surnames such as Nguen, Ramos or Mbeki, all of them returned to the argument of patriarchy.
At press time, ICA officers confirmed they had received an unusually high number of name-change applications from Singaporeans who, despite previously condemning the practice as sexist, had suddenly discovered that some patriarchies simply have much better branding.
#singapore