SINGAPORE – A groundbreaking study has confirmed what millions of Singaporeans have long suspected: the average WhatsApp family group is now composed of 93% "Good Morning" images.

Researchers found that an average day begins with between 14 and 27 variations of the phrase "GOOD MORNING", usually accompanied by sunflowers, waterfalls, coffee cups, golden retrievers, glittering roses or babies that nobody in the family recognises.

By 8am, every member has already muted the chat.

Lead researcher Professor Lim Bee Happy said the phenomenon has become self-sustaining.

"Nobody knows where these images originate from. They simply appear on one aunty's phone before migrating across the country like digital birds."

The study estimates that every "Good Morning" image takes approximately six minutes to reach every Singaporean family group, after which it immediately begins a second migration through church groups, RC groups, school alumni chats and condominium committees.

Scientists also discovered that older Singaporeans have developed an entirely new communication system requiring only four image categories:

Good Morning

Good Night

Happy Blessed Wednesday

Happy Birthday (featuring a cake with sparklers and at least three animated balloons)

"Remarkably, some relatives have not typed an original sentence since 2019," Professor Lim noted, sharing with us that emojis will frequently be accompanied by phrases such as:

"GOOD MORNING MY BEAUTIFUL FAMILY. MAY YOUR BANK ACCOUNT GROW LIKE THIS WATERFALL. HAPPY TUESDAY. STAY POSITIVE. SHARE IF YOU LOVE SINGAPORE, COFFEE AND CHICKEN RICE."

At press time, researchers had discovered that every family WhatsApp group also contains exactly one cousin who has not replied since 2021 but continues reading every message in complete silence.

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Editor: Me. That's me. I'm that cousin.