SINGAPORE β In what experts are calling "the most graceful retrenchment ever conducted," GovTech has announced that 93 staff will be retrenched as part of a wider restructuring exercise over the next two years.
Unlike conventional retrenchments involving cardboard boxes and awkward elevator rides, affected officers reportedly received career coaching, apprenticeships, redeployment opportunities, generous compensation packages, personalised job matching, emotional support, and enough notice to mentally process the five stages of grief before lunch.
"I honestly couldn't tell if I was being retrenched or recruited," said one officer while attending his third complimentary career-planning workshop of the week.
"They found me another role before my wife even knew I was losing this one.
According to insiders, GovTech's HR department spent months refining the retrenchment experience.
Every affected officer reportedly received:
- A dedicated career coach.
- A skills assessment.
- A personalised transition roadmap.
- A six-week handover period.
- Union support.
- A printed booklet titled "It's Not You, It's Us."
The Amalgamated Union of Statutory Board Employees (AUSBE, this union real one ah), which worked closely with GovTech throughout the exercise, admitted it was an unusual experience.
"We're generally more accustomed to arguing," said an imaginary union representative.
"This time they kept asking us, 'Is there anything else we can do for the staff?' Like dat got what to negotiate?!"
Other companies criticised GovTech for setting "completely unrealistic expectations."
"In Hokkien this is called Zho Pai Hang Cheng," complained CEO Dua Tao Kay. "Spoil market!"
Why did they get retrenched? Because now GovTech now everything want to do in-house lor. So now they need people with different skills and attitudes.
So if you don't like to develop and maintain products in-house like a start-up, then really another job better for you lah.
#singapore
#govtech