KUALA LUMPUR — After years of criticism that ASEAN summits produce little more than carefully worded communiqués and family photographs, regional leaders have reportedly decided to embrace what they are are already good at: putting on a show.

The bloc yesterday unveiled ASEAN Live 2026, a full-scale concert featuring regional leaders, replacing several plenary sessions with what foreign affairs attaché describe as "musical diplomacy".

Malaysian Prime Minister Anwar Ibrahim will serve as lead vocalist after years of publicly demonstrating his fondness for singing.

Thailand's Deputy Prime Minister Anutin Charnvirakul has been handed the saxophone following his now-viral performance at a public event.

Singapore Prime Minister Lawrence Wong will take lead guitar after repeatedly proving he is surprisingly competent at performing on stage whenever the opportunity arises.

Japan's Sanae Takaichi has agreed to sit in on drums as a special guest performer.

"Frankly, we've looked at the past twenty years of ASEAN meetings," said Professor Ling Ding Ding of the Jurong Institution Association of Organisation (JIAO).

"The percentage of actual problems solved remains statistically similar to the percentage solved by a really good concert. At least concerts have encores."

According to leaked rehearsal schedules, future ASEAN summits will begin with a two-hour sound check before leaders proceed to discuss tariffs during the guitar tuning breaks.

Diplomatic disagreements will no longer be resolved through closed-door negotiations, but through increasingly elaborate jam sessions.

"If two countries disagree over maritime boundaries, each side gets one guitar solo," explained Professor Ling.

"The audience decides who wins."

Officials say member states have already begun assigning instruments.

Indonesia has reluctantly accepted the role of bassist because "every successful band needs someone nobody notices until they're missing."

Vietnam volunteered to play keyboards because it "looked the most disciplined."

The Philippines insisted on handling karaoke, arguing it already possesses centuries of experience in the field.

Cambodia has reportedly ordered twelve smoke machines despite being repeatedly reminded that the summit is indoors.

Brunei has quietly agreed to sponsor the entire production without asking too many questions.

The only delegation still without a confirmed role is Myanmar.

Sources say representatives from the military junta initially misunderstood the phrase "heavy metal" and arrived carrying machine guns instead of musical instruments.

"They're currently attending an intensive three-day percussion workshop," an organiser said.

"We're trying very hard to explain that drumsticks are supposed to hit drums."

ASEAN officials remain optimistic.

"We believe everyone deserves a place in the band."

Preparations are also underway for the diplomatic support crew.

Foreign ministers will now serve as roadies, while senior civil servants have been retrained as sound engineers capable of adjusting microphones whenever a leader begins speaking longer than their allocated guitar solo.

Meanwhile, negotiators are replacing the traditional joint communiqué with a commemorative vinyl album containing all summit outcomes as song lyrics.

The closing declaration is expected to read:

"Although no agreement was reached on regional security, South China Sea tensions, trade barriers or climate cooperation, delegates unanimously agreed that the band absolutely nailed Hotel California."

Observers described it as "the strongest display of ASEAN unity in decades."